On Smoking Cigars

 "It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake." - Mark Twain
 
"If smoking is not allowed in heaven, I shall not go." - Mark Twain
 
"Yes, social friend, I love thee well,
In learned doctor's spite;
Thy clouds all other clouds dispel
And lap me in delight." - Charles Sprague, To My Cigar
 
"And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." - Rudyard Kipling, The Betrothed
 
 "The only way to break a bad habit was to replace it with a better habit." - Jack Nicholson explaining why he switched from cigarettes to cigars
 
"A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores. " - Klinger on M*A*S*H, Bug-Out, 1976
 
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke." - Groucho Marx
 
"Ah, if only I had brought a cigar with me! This would have established my identity." - Charles Dickens
 
"Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar." - Mark Twain
 
"Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar." - Groucho Marx
 
"I drink a great deal. I sleep a little, and I smoke cigar after cigar. That is why I am in two-hundred-percent form." - Winston Churchill
 
"I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time." Variation: "I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time. " - Mark Twain
 
"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something." - George Burns
 
"If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it." - George Burns
 
"If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral." - 98 year old George Burns
 
"Of course, I started as a collector. A true collector. I can remember as if it were only yesterday the heart- pounding excitement as I spread out upon the floor of my bedroom The Edward G. Robinson Collection of Rare Cigar Bands. I didn't play at collecting. No cigar anywhere was safe from me." - Edward G. Robinson
 
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - Sigmund Freud
 
"There are men here and there to whom the whole of life is like an after-dinner hour with a cigar; easy, pleasant, empty, perhaps enlivened by some fable of strife to be forgotten - before the end is told - even if there happens to be any end to it." - Joseph Conrad
 
"There is nothing more agreeable than having a place where one can throw on the floor as many cigar butts as one pleases without the subconscious fear of a maid who is waiting like a sentinel to place an ashtray where the ashes are going to fall." - Fidel Castro
 
"What this country needs is a good five-cent cigar!" - Thomas Marshall, Vice-president of Woodrow Wilson
 
"A fine cigar is like a fine woman. They come in all shapes and sizes. Treat them tenderly and lovingly. Caress their skin, admire their beauty, fondle them with reverence. Bring them slowly to your lips, enjoy their flavor, their aroma. Contemplate their essence, their dependability, and forgive them their weaknesses - if there be any. Revel in the rituals, their simplicity and their enduring meanings. Do these things, my son, and the blessings of life shall always be upon you." - Jawaad Abdullah

On Smoking Pipes

"Whereas men of an older school, like myself, smoke for the pleasure of smoking, men of this school smoke for the pleasure of pipe-owning--of selecting which of their many white-spotted pipes they will fill with their specially blended tobacco, of filling the one so chosen, of lighting it, of taking it from the mouth to gaze lovingly at the white spot and thus letting it go out, of lighting it again and letting it go out again, of polishing it up with their own special polisher and putting it to bed, and then the pleasure of beginning all over again with another white-spotted one." - A.A. Milne (of Winnie the Pooh fame) in Not That It Matters, 1920
 
"I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgement in all human affairs." - Albert Einstein, 1950
 
"A pipe is the fountain of contemplation, the source of pleasure, the companion of the wise; and the man who smokes, thinks like a philosopher and acts like a Samaritan." -  Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton, Night and Morning
 
"I hated tobacco. I could have almost lent my support to any institution that had for its object the putting of tobacco smokers to death...I now feel that smoking in moderation is a comfortable and laudable practice, and is productive of good. There is no more harm in a pipe than in a cup of tea. You may poison yourself by drinking too much green tea, and kill yourself by eating too many beefsteaks. For my part, I consider that tobacco, in moderation, is a sweetener and equalizer of the temper." - Thomas Henry Huxley, unknown year
 
"May my last breath be drawn through a pipe, and exhaled in a jest." - Charles Lamb
 
"Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Only a pipe distinguishes man from beast." - Honere Daumier
 
"The pipe marks the point at which the orangutan ends and man begins." - Ben Jonson
 
"I smoke a pipe abroad, because
To all cigars I much prefer it,
And as I scorn you social laws,
My choice has nothing to deter it." - Robert Lewis Stevenson
 
"...if I had not smoked I should have been dead ten years ago."  - Francois Guizot (French historian), upon being asked how he lived so long despite his smoking.
 
"If you can't send money, send tobacco." - George Washington to the Continental Congress, 1776
 
"Man, the creature who knows he must die, who has dreams larger than his destiny, who is forever working a confidence trick on himself, needs an ally. Mine has been tobacco." - John Boynton Priestley
 
"Pipe-smokers spend so much time cleaning, filling and fooling with their pipes, they don't have time to get into mischief." - Bill Vaughan
 
"[Tobacco] is the passion of honest men and he who lives without tobacco is not worthy of living." - Moliere (Jean Baptiste Poquelin)  

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